Should an inclusive society include rough sleepers?

Two Friday nights ago, an extraordinary group of people opened my eyes to some important realisations regarding the rough sleepers on the streets of Singapore. I walked the streets at night with this group on the path they have walked for the last six years with one objective - befriending the Rough Sleepers of Singapore. I now have a whole new perspective and insights that I never saw.

What is your first reaction when you see a homeless person sleeping on your street in Singapore?

What a lazy bum, why can’t he get a job?
Oh no, smelly and dirty fellow, don’t go near him!
Is he or she mentally unsound and will he/she endanger our children?
Don’t sleep around my neighbourhood; you could devalue my property!
See, if you don’t study hard, you will end up like this when you grow up.
Why aren’t there any shelters and housing support from the government for these people?
Why aren’t their family members and friends looking after them?
Does he have money for food?
Is he going to be cold at night?

From disgust, disdain, fear, compassion, to pointing fingers on who is responsible, these are the common reactions the Rough Sleeper gets from the community. All these thoughts and reactions are understandable. For the longest time, homelessness on the streets has been a taboo subject in Singapore, and sleeping on the street is supposed to be illegal. So we have very little appreciation of the Rough Sleeper’s circumstances.

Ever since I read about the seafood owner who distributed 200 blankets to the rough sleepers in Jan 2018 when Singapore was experiencing an extreme low temperature, I have been looking for an opportunity to understand why we have so many homeless on our streets. I must admit that #6 and #7 were my reactions. I was making a judgement before I understood the complexity. The issues are more complex to solve than shelter alone. Help seems to be available from the government and Voluntary Welfare Organizations. It is making them feel safe to accept this help and stopping them from returning to the street willingly that is sometimes the most challenging.

“Perhaps, the answer for real impact lies in us, the community, not just the government.”

Every night these rough sleepers risk being robbed, raped and chased away by neighbours and enforcement officers. Many of them do not even want to be identified by the social workers who offer help. They are fearful of being put into an institution or be found out by their family members, ending their freedom.

Rough Sleeper Profile

Their ages range from 40 to 80+. Some are homeowners, but couldn’t get along with family; others have been homeless for 5 to 6 years, some are back on the street after being allocated flats. There was a friendly-looking 83-year-old holding on to two jobs in the day. A mother and child who stayed at McDonald's every night and back to school and work in the day. There was a divorced father of two who would rather save the $400 of room rental for his young boys who are living with his ex-wife, and didn’t want to sell their HDB flat so that the kids can continue to stay in their marital home.

Transforming nightmares into dreams with Safe-Sound-Sleep

This group of extraordinary people turned a dream into reality not just for their charitable project startup but also for the homeless on the street, transforming their nightmares into dreams with Safe, Sound, Sleep and more. Armed with packs of drinks and buns they search the street every Friday night for the last 6 years and created an ecosystem to support them.

A few years back, this group started to get churches to open up their rooms for the homeless, and one did in Ang Mo Kio. Out of the 25 they invited, only 10 accepted the offer. Many were worried that they might be asked to join the religion; others prefered the freedom on the streets.

What the group discovered was that after weeks of "Safe, Sound, Sleep" as the group called it, the 10 of them began to think positively and started to help their peers, and some of them even decided to reunite with their families.

Compassion vs Acceptance - Genuine friendship has a significant impact on a person’s self-worth

Is it just the "Safe, Sound, Sleep" that turned them around? I believe the experience of genuine friendship, non-judgement, unconditional support and love are what is making the most significant impact on their self worth and positive mindset.

Upon deep reflection, I realised that perhaps we should consider giving up seeing them as something "to be fixed”. I thought I was looking for the word “Compassion”, but it is actually "Acceptance". To accept them as part of our community, as our neighbours, who are equal as a human being with setbacks in life just as we have. For us to accept the choices they have made regardless of the circumstances. To support them, we must give them the human dignity they deserve. Dignity is the quality of worth and honour essential to every person. We are worthy simply because we exist and perhaps homelessness need not be a humiliation. If the perception that they have no worth because they are homeless is ingrained in our society, then perhaps this is our failure and not theirs.

“We are worthy simply because we exist and perhaps homelessness need not be a humiliation.”

To many of them, the streets represent freedom, where they find joy and solitude, friendship and kindness from strangers which they would never have gotten if they had been stuck at home. For some, home can be a much more dangerous place, filled with endless disputes, abuse and conflict.

…the streets represent freedom, where they find joy and solitude, friendship and kindness from strangers. Home can be a much more dangerous place, filled with endless disputes, abuse and conflict.

Give up making them wrong

To support them perhaps we need to give up being right about making them wrong. That they should be positive, accept help, shelter and food offered by others so that their lives will be better should be enough. We should consider reserving judgement that the Rough Sleepers are lacking will power, self-victimise or have difficult personalities, are unable to hold on to a job or be accepted by their families. Every case has a different gripping story and can be complex. They could be victims, villains or even both. Through trust and friendship, without force, and without manipulation in giving their support, this group seems to have found the winning formula, and they are making a difference.

We must be mindful not to see ourselves as superior and believe we have it all together compared to them. The circumstances they are in and the choices they made are something for them to own, not for us to judge. They too, can make a choice to live a more powerful life, when they are ready. Consider that it is our privilege to serve those with needs and to accept that they have the right to refuse.

So, should an inclusive society include rough sleepers? Can we accept them in our neighbourhood? Can we share a meal next to one at the hawker centre? Can we befriend them? Maybe? How about we try?

Befriending rough sleepers is a skill that not everyone processes. But we can at least greet and acknowledge them, and smile at them. As usual, we should approach all strangers with caution and never put ourselves at risk and never work alone.

It might seem that we are showing the rough sleepers the path to a better life, but they could be the one showing us what it takes to be human.

Volunteers Needed

The organisation that taught me how to befriend the Rough Sleepers has a great eco-system that they have developed. They put together meal voucher systems with the coffee shops, daily meal sponsors, microloans for flat setup, temporary shelters, a rough sleeper cafe, etc. They are looking for more volunteers every Friday from 9pm to 12am and various kinds of support is needed. Please contact me if you are interested as they prefer not to be known.

“To us they are one thousand rough sleepers, to the one rough sleeper, we may be the one who can make a difference in his or her life.”

Written by Karen Tok Mullins

“The purpose of being alive is to experience life itself -

to LEARN | to CREATE | to INSPIRE ” Karen Tok Mullins

About Karen Tok Mullins – A New Way To Win

Karen is an Inspirational Speaker, Thought Leader on A New Way to Win, & Founder of award-winning Biotech recruitment firm ScienTec Consulting Pte Ltd. A highly dynamic and inspiring leader, Karen was nominated for the Great Woman of Our Times Award 2018 by Woman’s Weekly Magazine and a recipient of the merit award for Shell LiveWire Young Business Start-up Award 2005.

Her entrepreneurial success story was featured in many media outlets including The Straits Times, It Changed My Life, Her World, Forward, Shell LiveWire’s book on entrepreneurship, 938Live! The Breakfast Club, Money FM 89.3, Influence to name a few.

Karen is perhaps most known for being written off as an academic no-hoper with learning disability to successfully taking her S$10,000 seed capital start-up to a multimillion-dollars trade sales in a sector where she had zero knowledge.

Karen is an avid lifelong learner and therefore, an enthusiast in personal transformation. She is a firm believer that with the right tools anyone can achieve anything they want in life. She is passionate about helping others overcome their fear of failure, she gives motivational speeches and shares her winning formula to students and corporations. She provides start-up mentoring and career consulting to individuals and social enterprises. She volunteers at Young Founder School, Start-up Weekend, Asia Institute of Mentoring and various personal transformation programs, and organises community workshops on overcoming the fear of failure and personal empowerment.

Contact

Website: www.karentok.com
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Sep 5 Should an inclusive society include rough sleepers